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\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My second encounter took place in 1968 when I was doing graduate \u00a0studies in Berkeley, California, the hotbed of social experimentation.\u00a0 In the context of a course, Human Sexuality<\/em>, our professor invited a lesbian couple in their late 20s to share their stories.\u00a0 Both women gave detailed accounts of growing up in middle-class families, of dating boys, and of discovering that they had little or no emotional interest in getting closer to boys.\u00a0 What they did relish, however, was a series of crushes with girls.\u00a0 As such, they gradually realized that they were “abnormal.\u201d Then, they met each other on the Berkeley campus and secretly felt strongly attracted to each other.\u00a0 With time, this hesitantly revealed the \u201cabnormality\u201d of their mutual attraction to each other.\u00a0 This was a great relief and jubilation because they finally had found someone who validated their same-sex attraction.\u00a0 The explosive sex that followed was a confirmation of what they had always dreamed of and never thought possible.\u00a0 Even before they had a word to describe themselves, therefore, they had plunged into a committed union. I thank God that I had this very positive experience at a time when I was still only mildly hostile toward lesbians and gays.<\/em> Here are some of the ways that I was touched by this encounter:<\/p>\n- \n
- The stories of these two women persuaded me that most or all lesbians are not scratching messages on bathroom walls nor answering ads for sexual encounters. Indeed, it illustrated for me how most lesbians are initially confused and afraid when they discover how “out of step” \u00a0they are with respect to the rest of their companions, whom they would describe as “normal” in so far as they embody the “norm\u201d as far as sexual attraction is concerned.<\/li>\n
- Prior to this encounter, I was under the impression that a “normal” person could spot a “queer” a mile away.\u00a0 All one had to do was to notice the effeminate gestures in boys or the absence of femininity in girls.\u00a0 With these two normally attractive women, there was nothing about the way they dressed, moved, or behaved that allowed me to even get a hint that they identified themselves as lesbians.\u00a0 They had to tell me, or else I would never have known.\u00a0 Hence, this encounter enabled me to challenge and to give up a stereotype that was dangerous and misleading.<\/li>\n
- Thirdly, this experience opened up a whole new world that had been hitherto \u201cclosed to me.\u201d\u00a0 I was now talking and listening across the boundaries.\u00a0 I was now hearing how these two women had moved from \u201ctrying desperately to fit in\u201d[i]<\/a> by imitating the coy and flirtatious mannerisms exhibited by their female friends.\u00a0 Then, after years of frustration due to their inability to have a deep, emotional bond with a male, they slowly came to the frightening realization that they were \u201cqueer.\u201d This destroyed any positive self-image that was left to them.\u00a0 Now they hated who they were.\u00a0 They cringed at the prospect of having to tell their closest friends or their parents that they were \u201clesbians.\u201d<\/li>\n
- Fourthly, there was the \u201cecstatic realization\u201d that there were others out there like themselves who might welcome an intimate relationship with them. \u00a0After many trials and errors, they eventually recognized their \u201csoul mate\u201d for the first time.\u00a0 This realization came so naturally and so spontaneously\u2014without any effort.\u00a0 They were overwhelmingly surprised that another human being could mutually feel what they feel and cherish them to the core of their being.\u00a0 Mutual love blossomed and ushering in a self-acceptance and self-surrender that exceeded human understanding.\u00a0 This is what \u201cfalling in love\u201d is all about.<\/li>\n
- Fifthly, I came to realize from their stories that, even given the healing power of love, this lesbian couple still had disagreements, they sometimes hurt each other, and they felt pangs of jealousy–the whole host of human emotions that heterosexual romances pass through.<\/li>\n
- Sixthly, in the months following this encounter, I realized how tragically mistaken it was for the hierarchy of my Church to presume that they could accurately judge what was lawful before God and what were the appropriate life-style choices for lesbians.\u00a0 Deeply listening to these two women made me feel humble and utterly unable to offer them any sound guidance whatsoever.\u00a0 Anyone who listens deeply to their story knows first-hand how inappropriate and dangerous it would be to rush forward and propose \u201csolutions\u201d or \u201cjudgments\u201d that originate in my male, heterosexual way of seeing things.<\/li>\n
- Finally, after a few years, I realized that for me, as a heterosexual male, it was far easier to imagine lesbian sex than to imagine gay sex.\u00a0 I remember the shock that I felt when, in my late-twenties, I first saw a handsome Black man
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walking in the park with his arm around a blond White girl.\u00a0 My head told me that a man\u2019s ability to love and to cherish someone is not determined by the color of his skin.\u00a0 My gut, on the other hand, was churning and screaming out, \u201cSomething is very wrong here!\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I had to deliberately imagine myself as being that Black man and imagining for myself the pride and joy of having a companion like the girl I saw that day.\u00a0 Gradually, over a period of months, I was able to quiet my gut feelings and to replace them with feelings of pride and joy.\u00a0 I share this experience because it indicates the route whereby I was able to gradually diminish the \u201cutter disgust\u201d that male-to-male sex evoked in my gut.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.jesus4lesbians.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Wanting-to-be-someone-else-150x150.png\")
Those who want to interact with this blog are invited to “Leave a Reply” below.\u00a0 A solid way to begin doing this is to offer “readback lines.”<\/span>\u00a0 To do this, quickly glace back over the entire blog and pick out the one or two lines that have made a deep impression upon you.\u00a0 Copy them [CTRL-C] and then paste them\u00a0[CTRL-V] into an empty comment box below.\u00a0 If you wish, signal the emotion that you feel when reading your readback lines.\u00a0 The primary emotions are anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, surprise.\u00a0\u00a0 No need to further explain yourself.\u00a0 It is enough to identify the text important to you and to name the emotion(s) that it evokes.\u00a0 All of this normally takes less than a few minutes.<\/span><\/p>\nI and others will “thank you” for your contribution.\u00a0 If you are tempted to say more, I urge you to hold back.\u00a0 Your sense of safety and the safety of others is best protected by not getting overly wordy in the beginning.\u00a0<\/a> This will come after a few days or weeks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Endnotes and Leave a Reply~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n
[i]<\/a> To appreciate the full scope of \u201cfitting in\u201d to the dominant heterosexual culture, consider reflecting on \u201c30+ Examples of Heterosexual Privilege in the US\u201d (http:\/\/itspronouncedmetrosexual.com\/2012\/01\/29-examples-of-heterosexual-privilege\/<\/a>).<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
An early encounter with a lesbian couple \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My second encounter took place in 1968 when I was doing graduate \u00a0studies in Berkeley, California, the hotbed of social experimentation.\u00a0 In the context of a course, Human Sexuality, our professor invited a lesbian couple in their late 20s to share their stories.\u00a0 Both women gave detailed … <\/p>\n